The Curse of the INFJ Personality: Does anyone really know us?

The conversation went south pretty quickly when I read the text message from my wife saying, “You are not a Primal. You have never been a Primal.”

Let’s back up a little bit.

This came about when I decided to let her in on my recent discovery of the Primal Dominant personality and how, as I had learned more about it, I had realized that it fit me 100%. I was excited about this new discovery because it finally answered a lot of my questions (see some of my prior blog entries). I have shared some of my experiences that fall directly in-line with the descriptions of a Primal. So, why does she not see it?

I think that it doesn’t fit into her perception of what she wants me to be, wishes I would be, and thinks a Dom should be. It is something that she does not, obviously, understand. Which, in itself, raises even more questions.

the INFJ personality type is the rarest of personality types on the Briggs Meyers scale. Intense, passionate, incredibly intuitive, with an innate ability to peer into a person’s soul are a couple of the hallmarks of an INFJ. (A good article on the subject can be found here: )

I feel that, most people, want to believe their own perceptions of those around them. Unfortunately, these perceptions are usually inherently flawed and can lead to a large number of misunderstandings. Combine that with a normal person’s need to have control over their surroundings, the people around them, and the added need to be validated by those around them can…well….cause an INFJ a LOT of issues.

I am pretty introspective and I feel that I know myself pretty well. I find it unfortunate that others usually don’t take the time to try and get to know who I really am; instead opting for a quick and dirty assumption on what kind of person I am and then basing everything around that perception. For me, an INFJ, it is infuriating.

Look, we just want to be understood. No…strike that. We want to be seen. We want someone to take a few minutes, ask a few questions, and actually try to SEE the person we are rather than make a quick judgement call and run with it to the exclusion of all else.

I am pretty sure that I am not the only one that feels misunderstood in their relationships. This is nothing new and I did not write the book on it. But, what do we do when those closest to us take it upon themselves to tell us that we are wrong about who we are? It reminds me of the Monty Python skit about the Dead Parrot. I am standing in the shop saying this is what it is and the shopkeeper keeps telling me that it is not what it is. If you get that reference, we can be good friends.

So, when I got the text from her, my jaw fell open. From life experiences, I know that, when that happens, it is best to not even try to argue. When someone has made up their mind who you are….in their mind…nothing will change it.

It is frustrating…infuriating..and leaves a person feeling very alone.

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